Organic.

I’ll tell you what’s expensive: organic shit. Especially the lotions and unctions. And I never knew before I had a kid because I never paid as much attention to the things going in and on my body as I do now. I dropped $30 today on 12 ounces of shampoo and 6 ounces of sunscreen. I expect that stuff to have gold flakes in it.

This is incredibly overpriced organic applesauce at a place that sells exclusively overpriced organic food.

There’s some list floating around about which vegetables and fruits you really “must” buy organic and which are ok to just eat the peasant version of. Something to do with the skin of the fruit and the pesticides, but I can’t keep track of that and so I am probably buying expensive bananas for no good reason except that it makes me feel like a better mother.

The water in here is not organic, but the cup is stainless steel. That gets me “good mom” points. It totally does.

Yep. It does. Slathering organic, natural sunscreen on my kid and pouring him organic milk makes me feel like a good mother. I mean, sure. There are other things that make me feel like a good mother (e.g. not smacking him in the head and stuff) but I feel like I am doing a good thing by putting quality stuff on him. I’m not going to lie to you: when I pile all my groceries on the conveyor belt, the more organic stuff on there, the better I feel.

My bananas come decorated with tape that announces their organicness.

Also (and if you’re a parent, you will already know this), the more organic your kid products and snacks, the more respect you earn at the playground**. If your kid eats organic cucumber for snack, other moms (who keep trying to ply their kid with organic cucumber, but whose kid always opts for Cheetos) will be envious and covetous of your mad parenting skillz.

It’s totally the new Keeping Up With The Joneses. Except I feel like it used to be so much cheaper to keep up.

** I am fully aware that this does not apply to every parent. And I am fully aware that this phenomenon of “who is more organic-y” is much more prevalent among privileged stay-at-home-mom types. And that there are a zillion and three carcinogens all around us and organic sunscreen is not such a big deal in the scheme of things. And that I am actually a good parent because I love my kid and blahbitty blah blah blah. But, I’m just sayin’.

This is not even pretending to be organic. But, damn it’s tasty.

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One thought on “Organic.

  1. this was really fun to read and funny too…and probably true, and a little sad that it’s keeping up with the joneses! But, you made me think…organic sunscreen — not sure what that means and what’s organic but things you put for your skin to absorb probably should be organic. Bananas, maybe not since the skin peels off. I read that same article about what needs to be and what doesn’t and only remember strawberries should be and grapes…things where it’s hard to clean in between (maybe toes too!)

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